Reacting To Get Over It: A Guide To Emotional Responses

Hey guys! Ever been in a situation where you're pouring your heart out, sharing something deeply personal, only to be met with the dismissive phrase, "just get over it"? Yeah, it stings, right? It's like someone just invalidated your feelings with a verbal eye-roll. Let's dive into this a bit deeper, because how you react to such a statement can really depend on a bunch of factors, including your personality, the context of the situation, and your relationship with the person saying it.

Understanding the Emotional Minefield

First off, let's acknowledge the elephant in the room: being told to "get over it" is rarely helpful. It often feels invalidating because it minimizes your emotions and experiences. Think about it: you're sharing something that matters to you, something that's causing you pain or distress, and the response is essentially a brush-off. This can make you feel like your feelings aren't important, or that you're being dramatic or overly sensitive. But let's break down why this phrase is so loaded and how different people might interpret and react to it. Sometimes, the person saying it might genuinely believe they're helping you by encouraging you to move on. They might think dwelling on the issue is making things worse and that a little tough love is what you need. Their intention might not be to hurt you, but the impact of their words can still be significant. On the other hand, sometimes the phrase is used dismissively, as a way to shut down the conversation or avoid dealing with your emotions. This can be particularly hurtful if it comes from someone you're close to, like a friend or family member. In these cases, it can feel like they don't care about what you're going through, or that they're not willing to offer the support you need. It's crucial to consider the context and the person delivering the message. Are they generally supportive? Have they been through similar situations? Are they usually dismissive of your feelings? Understanding their perspective can help you process your own reaction. Remember, your feelings are valid, and it's okay to feel hurt or angry when someone dismisses them. It's important to acknowledge your emotions and give yourself the space to process them, rather than simply trying to "get over it." Ultimately, the best way to react depends on the specific situation and your own emotional needs. There's no one-size-fits-all answer, but understanding the dynamics at play can help you choose the response that's right for you.

Decoding the Intent Behind "Get Over It"

Now, let's play detective for a moment and try to figure out what's behind those words. When someone tells you to "get over it," it's like receiving a message in code. You need to decipher it to understand the true meaning. Sometimes, it's a misguided attempt at tough love. The person might think they're helping you by pushing you to move past your feelings, believing that dwelling on the issue is only making it worse. They might have your best interests at heart, but their delivery is, well, less than stellar. They might be thinking, "I don't want you to be sad," or "I want you to be strong," but their words come across as dismissive rather than supportive. It's like they're trying to offer a bandage for a deep wound, not realizing that what you really need is a listening ear and a comforting presence. Other times, the phrase is a reflection of their own discomfort with emotions. Some people struggle to handle emotional conversations, either because they don't know how to respond or because they're afraid of stirring up their own feelings. For them, saying "get over it" might be a way to shut down the conversation and avoid dealing with the emotional intensity. It's a defense mechanism, a way to protect themselves from feeling overwhelmed. They might not even realize that their words are hurtful; they're simply trying to navigate a situation they find challenging. Then there are those instances where the phrase is genuinely intended to minimize your feelings. This is the most painful scenario because it implies that your emotions aren't valid or important. It could be a sign of a lack of empathy or even a form of emotional manipulation. In these cases, the person might be trying to control the situation by invalidating your experience. They might not want to deal with your emotions because it's inconvenient for them or because it challenges their own worldview. Understanding the intent behind the phrase can help you determine how to react. If you believe the person is genuinely trying to help, you might choose to have a conversation about how their words made you feel and what kind of support you actually need. If, on the other hand, you sense a lack of empathy or a dismissive attitude, you might decide to distance yourself or seek support from someone else. The key is to trust your instincts and prioritize your own emotional well-being. Remember, you deserve to have your feelings acknowledged and validated, and you don't have to tolerate being dismissed or belittled.

Reacting in the Moment: Your Options

Okay, so you've been hit with the dreaded "get over it." Your initial reaction might be a mix of emotions – hurt, anger, confusion, maybe even a little bit of disbelief. But before you fire back a response, let's explore some options for how you can react in the moment. First, take a deep breath. Seriously, it sounds cliché, but it works. Taking a moment to center yourself can help you respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively. When you're feeling emotional, your fight-or-flight response can kick in, making it harder to think clearly. A deep breath can help calm your nervous system and give you a little space to process what's happening. Next, consider the source. Who is saying this to you? Is it a friend, a family member, a coworker? What's your relationship like with them? As we discussed earlier, understanding their intent can help you tailor your response. If it's someone who usually supportive, they might not realize how their words are coming across. In that case, you might choose to address it directly but gently. You could say something like, "I know you might be trying to help, but when you say 'get over it,' it makes me feel like my feelings aren't important." This opens the door for a conversation without putting them on the defensive. On the other hand, if it's someone who tends to be dismissive or invalidating, you might choose a different approach. You might decide to set a boundary by saying something like, "I understand that you might not know what to say, but I need to talk about this right now. If you can't offer support, that's okay, but please don't dismiss my feelings." This makes it clear that their response is not acceptable and that you're not willing to tolerate being belittled. Another option is to simply acknowledge their statement without engaging further. You could say something like, "I hear you," or "Okay," and then redirect the conversation or remove yourself from the situation. This can be a good strategy if you're feeling overwhelmed or if you don't think a productive conversation is possible at that moment. Remember, it's okay to prioritize your own emotional well-being. You don't have to engage in a conversation if you don't feel safe or supported. Sometimes, the best response is to take a step back and give yourself time to process your feelings.

The Long-Term Impact and Healing

The thing about being told to "get over it" is that the immediate sting can fade, but the underlying impact can linger. It's like a paper cut – it seems small, but it can keep stinging for days. Over time, repeated experiences of having your feelings invalidated can erode your self-esteem and make it harder to trust your own emotions. You might start to question whether your feelings are valid, or you might become hesitant to share your experiences with others. This can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness, as well as anxiety and depression. It's important to recognize that healing from this kind of emotional invalidation takes time and effort. It's not something you can just "get over." One of the most important steps is to validate your own feelings. This means acknowledging that your emotions are real and important, even if others don't understand them. It means giving yourself permission to feel what you feel without judgment. You can do this by journaling, talking to a therapist, or simply taking time to reflect on your experiences. Another key step is to build a support system of people who do validate your feelings. These are the people who listen without judgment, offer empathy, and make you feel seen and heard. They might be friends, family members, or members of a support group. Having a strong support system can make a huge difference in your healing journey. It's also important to set boundaries with people who invalidate your feelings. This might mean limiting your interactions with them, or it might mean having a direct conversation about how their words affect you. Remember, you have the right to protect your emotional well-being, and you don't have to tolerate being dismissed or belittled. Seeking professional help can also be beneficial. A therapist can provide a safe and supportive space for you to explore your feelings and develop coping strategies. They can also help you identify any patterns of emotional invalidation in your life and work towards breaking those patterns. Healing from emotional invalidation is a process, and it's okay to ask for help along the way. Be patient with yourself, celebrate your progress, and remember that your feelings matter.

Strategies for Healthier Communication

Let's flip the script for a moment and talk about how we can avoid using the phrase "get over it" ourselves. We've all been there – we're trying to help someone, but our words come out all wrong. So, how can we communicate in a way that's more supportive and validating? The first step is to listen actively. This means giving the person your full attention, making eye contact, and nodding to show that you're engaged. It also means putting away your phone and avoiding distractions. When someone is sharing their feelings, they want to know that you're truly listening and that you care about what they're saying. The second step is to offer empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. It's about putting yourself in their shoes and trying to see the world from their perspective. When someone is hurting, empathy is like a balm to their soul. You can show empathy by saying things like, "That sounds really tough," or "I can understand why you're feeling that way." The key is to acknowledge their emotions without judgment. Another important strategy is to validate their feelings. Validation means acknowledging that their feelings are real and important, even if you don't fully understand them. You can validate their feelings by saying things like, "It makes sense that you're feeling angry," or "Your feelings are valid." This helps them feel seen and heard, and it can reduce the sense of isolation. Avoid minimizing their experience. This is where the phrase "get over it" falls flat. Minimizing their experience means downplaying their feelings or suggesting that they shouldn't be feeling the way they do. Instead of saying "get over it," try saying, "This sounds really challenging. What can I do to support you?" Ask open-ended questions. Open-ended questions encourage the person to talk more about their feelings and experiences. They're questions that can't be answered with a simple "yes" or "no." Instead of asking, "Are you okay?" try asking, "How are you feeling about this?" or "What's been on your mind?" This shows that you're genuinely interested in hearing their story. Finally, offer practical support if you can. Sometimes, people just need a listening ear, but other times, they might need help with a specific task or problem. Ask if there's anything you can do to help, and be willing to follow through. This might mean offering to run errands, provide childcare, or simply be there for them in whatever way they need. By practicing these strategies, we can create a more supportive and validating environment for the people we care about. Remember, communication is a skill, and it takes practice to get it right. But the effort is worth it, because healthy communication is the foundation of strong relationships.

Final Thoughts: Your Feelings Matter

So, the next time someone tells you to "get over it," remember that your feelings are valid. You have the right to feel what you feel, and you deserve to be treated with empathy and respect. Don't let anyone minimize your experience or make you feel like your emotions don't matter. Whether you choose to confront the person directly, set a boundary, or simply walk away, prioritize your own emotional well-being. And if you're the one tempted to say "get over it" to someone else, take a moment to consider the impact of your words. Choose empathy, validation, and support instead. You might just make a world of difference in someone's life. Remember, we're all in this together, and we can create a more compassionate and understanding world, one conversation at a time.