Helping Someone After A Suicide Attempt: What To Say & Do

by Sebastian Müller 58 views

If you're here, it's likely because someone you care about has attempted suicide, and you're wondering what to say and how to help. It's a tough situation, and it's natural to feel overwhelmed, confused, and even scared. But remember, your support can make a significant difference in their recovery. This guide will walk you through understanding the situation, what to say (and what not to say), and how to provide the best support possible.

Understanding the Situation

Before diving into the specifics of what to say and how to help, it's crucial to understand the gravity and complexity of a suicide attempt. Suicide is not a sign of weakness or a cry for attention; it's usually the result of intense emotional pain and a feeling of hopelessness. People who attempt suicide often feel like they have no other options and that their pain is unbearable. They might believe they are a burden to others or that things will never get better. Recognizing these underlying feelings is the first step in providing meaningful support.

Mental health plays a significant role in suicidal ideation and attempts. Conditions like depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and substance abuse can increase the risk of suicide. These conditions can distort a person's thinking and make it difficult to see solutions to their problems. It’s important to remember that mental health is just as important as physical health, and seeking professional help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Another critical aspect to understand is that a suicide attempt is not the end of the story. With the right support and treatment, people can and do recover. Recovery is a process, and it may have its ups and downs, but it is possible. Your role in this recovery process is vital. Your support, understanding, and patience can help the person you care about feel less alone and more hopeful about the future.

It's also essential to take care of yourself. Supporting someone through a suicide attempt can be emotionally draining. You might experience a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, guilt, and fear. It's okay to feel these emotions, and it's crucial to seek support for yourself as well. This could involve talking to a therapist, joining a support group, or simply confiding in a trusted friend or family member. Remember, you can't pour from an empty cup, so ensuring your own well-being is essential for effectively supporting someone else.

Finally, understanding the resources available is crucial. Knowing who to turn to in a crisis and how to access mental health services can be life-saving. We'll discuss these resources in more detail later, but it's worth noting that help is available, and you don't have to navigate this alone. By understanding the situation, the role of mental health, the possibility of recovery, and the importance of self-care, you’re better equipped to provide the support needed.

What to Say (and What Not to Say)

Knowing what to say to someone who has attempted suicide can feel daunting. You want to offer comfort and support, but you also want to avoid saying anything that could be hurtful or counterproductive. The key is to approach the conversation with empathy, compassion, and a genuine desire to understand their experience. Let's break down some specific things you can say and, equally important, what you should avoid saying.

What to Say:

  • Express Your Care and Concern: Start by letting them know that you care about them and are concerned about their well-being. Simple phrases like “I care about you,” “I’m worried about you,” or “I’m here for you” can make a significant impact. These words convey that they are not alone and that someone values their existence. It's essential to be genuine in your expression, as sincerity can create a safe space for them to open up. For example, you might say, "I was really worried when I heard what happened, and I want you to know that I care about you deeply."

  • Validate Their Feelings: Acknowledge their emotions without judgment. Avoid trying to minimize their pain or telling them how they should feel. Instead, validate their feelings by saying things like “It sounds like you’re going through a lot,” “I can’t imagine how painful this must be,” or “Your feelings are valid.” Validation doesn’t mean you agree with their actions, but it shows that you recognize their pain is real and significant. For instance, you could say, "It sounds like you've been feeling incredibly overwhelmed. That must be so difficult."

  • Listen Actively: Sometimes, the most helpful thing you can do is listen. Give them space to share their thoughts and feelings without interruption (unless they are in immediate danger). Show that you're listening by nodding, making eye contact, and using verbal cues like “I understand” or “Tell me more.” Active listening involves paying attention not just to the words they're saying, but also to their tone and body language. This helps you understand the full scope of their experience. For example, you could say, "I'm here to listen. If you feel like talking, I'm ready."

  • Offer Specific Help: Instead of making general offers like “Let me know if you need anything,” offer specific ways you can help. This could include offering to drive them to appointments, help with household tasks, or simply spend time with them. Specific offers are more tangible and show that you’re willing to actively support them. For instance, you might say, "Would it be helpful if I drove you to your therapy appointment next week?" or "I'm going to the grocery store later. Can I pick up anything for you?"

  • Encourage Professional Help: Gently encourage them to seek professional help if they aren’t already. Remind them that seeking help is a sign of strength and that therapists and counselors are trained to provide support and guidance. You can say things like “Have you considered talking to a therapist?” or “There are people who can help you work through this.” It’s crucial to approach this conversation with sensitivity and without pressuring them. For example, you could say, "I know things are tough right now. Have you thought about talking to a professional? They might have some helpful strategies."

What Not to Say:

  • Don't Blame or Judge: Avoid making statements that place blame or judgment on them. Saying things like “You’re so selfish,” “How could you do this to your family?” or “You have so much to live for” can be incredibly hurtful and make them feel even more isolated and misunderstood. These types of statements invalidate their feelings and can push them further into despair. Instead, focus on empathy and understanding. Remember, they are already in immense pain, and judgment will only exacerbate it.

  • Don't Minimize Their Pain: Avoid minimizing their pain by saying things like “It’s not that bad,” “You’ll get over it,” or “Just think positive.” These statements invalidate their feelings and make them feel like their pain isn’t being taken seriously. Minimizing their pain can also discourage them from seeking help. Instead, acknowledge their pain and let them know that you recognize how difficult things are for them.

  • Don't Offer Unqualified Advice: Avoid offering unqualified advice or trying to fix their problems. While your intentions may be good, giving advice without understanding the full situation can be harmful. Statements like “You should just try to be happier” or “Have you tried going for a walk?” can come across as dismissive and unhelpful. Instead, focus on listening and encouraging them to seek professional help.

  • Don't Make Promises You Can't Keep: Avoid making promises you can’t keep, such as guaranteeing that everything will be okay or that you can fix their problems. These promises can create unrealistic expectations and lead to disappointment. Instead, focus on providing support and being there for them in the present moment.

  • Don't Compare Their Situation to Others: Avoid comparing their situation to others who may have gone through similar experiences. Each person's experience with mental health and suicidal ideation is unique, and comparisons can minimize their pain and make them feel like their struggles are not valid. Instead, focus on their individual experience and offer support tailored to their specific needs.

Navigating these conversations requires sensitivity and empathy. By knowing what to say and what to avoid, you can create a supportive environment that encourages healing and recovery. Remember, your words and actions can make a significant difference in someone’s life.

How to Help: Practical Steps

Beyond knowing what to say, taking practical steps to help someone who has attempted suicide is crucial. Support comes in many forms, and actively assisting them in their recovery can significantly impact their well-being. This involves ensuring their immediate safety, connecting them with resources, and providing ongoing support.

Ensure Immediate Safety:

  • Assess the Situation: If the person is in immediate danger, such as expressing ongoing suicidal thoughts or having a plan, it's essential to act quickly. Do not leave them alone. If they have access to means of self-harm, such as medications or weapons, ensure these are removed or secured. Your priority is to ensure their immediate safety.

  • Call for Help: If you believe the person is in immediate danger, call your local emergency number (such as 911 in the US) or a suicide hotline. Suicide hotlines are staffed by trained professionals who can provide support and guidance. They can also help you determine the best course of action and, if necessary, dispatch emergency services. Remember, calling for help is a responsible and potentially life-saving action.

  • Stay with Them: If it’s safe to do so, stay with the person until professional help arrives. Your presence can provide comfort and reassurance during a crisis. Let them know that you care about them and that help is on the way. Even just being there can make a significant difference.

Connect with Resources:

  • Mental Health Professionals: One of the most important steps is to connect the person with mental health professionals. This includes therapists, counselors, psychiatrists, and other mental health providers. These professionals are trained to assess mental health conditions, provide therapy, and prescribe medication if necessary. Encourage the person to seek professional help and offer to assist them in finding a qualified provider.

  • Suicide Hotlines: Suicide hotlines are invaluable resources that provide immediate support and guidance. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (988 in the US) and the Crisis Text Line (text HOME to 741741) are available 24/7. These services are free, confidential, and can offer a lifeline during a crisis. Keep these numbers readily available and encourage the person to use them whenever they feel overwhelmed.

  • Support Groups: Support groups can provide a sense of community and shared experience. These groups offer a safe space for individuals to connect with others who have gone through similar situations. Sharing experiences and coping strategies can be incredibly beneficial. Look for local support groups or online communities that specialize in suicide prevention and mental health.

  • Hospitals and Crisis Centers: Hospitals and crisis centers offer a range of mental health services, including crisis intervention, assessment, and treatment. If the person needs immediate medical or psychiatric care, taking them to the nearest hospital or crisis center is essential. These facilities can provide the necessary level of care and support during a crisis.

Provide Ongoing Support:

  • Be Patient and Understanding: Recovery from a suicide attempt is a process that takes time. There will be ups and downs, and it’s essential to be patient and understanding. Avoid getting frustrated or discouraged if progress seems slow. Your consistent support and understanding are crucial to their recovery.

  • Check-In Regularly: Make it a habit to check in with the person regularly. This could involve phone calls, texts, or in-person visits. Regular check-ins show that you care and are there for them. Use these opportunities to listen to their concerns, offer encouragement, and help them stay connected to resources.

  • Help with Practical Tasks: Offer to help with practical tasks such as grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, or attending appointments. These tasks can become overwhelming during recovery, and your assistance can alleviate some of the stress. Practical support can make a significant difference in their daily life.

  • Encourage Self-Care: Encourage the person to engage in self-care activities. This could include exercise, healthy eating, getting enough sleep, and engaging in hobbies they enjoy. Self-care is essential for mental and emotional well-being. Help them create a self-care plan and support them in sticking to it.

  • Attend Appointments with Them: If the person is comfortable, offer to attend therapy or medical appointments with them. Your presence can provide support and make them feel less alone. It can also help you better understand their treatment plan and how you can further support them.

  • Educate Yourself: Take the time to educate yourself about mental health and suicide prevention. The more you understand, the better equipped you'll be to provide effective support. There are many resources available online and in your community that can help you learn more about these topics.

By taking these practical steps, you can play a crucial role in supporting someone’s recovery after a suicide attempt. Your actions can provide hope, encouragement, and a sense of connection during a challenging time.

Taking Care of Yourself

Supporting someone who has attempted suicide can be emotionally taxing. It's essential to remember that you can't effectively help others if you're not taking care of yourself. Prioritizing your own well-being is not selfish; it's necessary for both your health and your ability to provide support. Let's explore some strategies for self-care and seeking support for yourself.

Acknowledge Your Feelings:

  • Recognize Your Emotions: It's normal to experience a range of emotions when supporting someone through a suicide attempt. You might feel sadness, anger, guilt, fear, or confusion. Acknowledge these feelings without judgment. Suppressing your emotions can lead to burnout and make it harder to provide support.

  • Allow Yourself to Grieve: If you’re feeling grief or sadness, allow yourself to grieve. It’s okay to cry, feel down, or take time to process your emotions. Grief is a natural response to a traumatic event, and allowing yourself to feel it is part of the healing process.

Seek Support for Yourself:

  • Talk to Someone: Don’t try to go through this alone. Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or mentor about how you’re feeling. Sharing your emotions can provide relief and help you gain perspective. Sometimes, just talking about it can make a significant difference.

  • Therapy or Counseling: Consider seeking professional help for yourself. A therapist or counselor can provide a safe space to process your emotions and develop coping strategies. They can also offer guidance on how to support the person you care about while maintaining your own well-being. Therapy is a sign of strength, not weakness.

  • Support Groups: Join a support group for individuals who are supporting loved ones with mental health challenges. These groups offer a sense of community and shared experience. You can connect with others who understand what you're going through and learn from their experiences.

Practice Self-Care:

  • Prioritize Physical Health: Take care of your physical health by getting enough sleep, eating nutritious meals, and exercising regularly. Physical health and mental health are closely linked, and taking care of your body can improve your mood and energy levels.

  • Engage in Relaxing Activities: Make time for activities that help you relax and de-stress. This could include reading, listening to music, spending time in nature, or practicing mindfulness or meditation. Relaxation techniques can help you manage stress and improve your overall well-being.

  • Set Boundaries: It’s important to set boundaries to protect your own well-being. This might mean limiting the amount of time you spend providing support, saying no to requests that are too demanding, or taking breaks when you need them. Setting boundaries is not selfish; it’s essential for preventing burnout.

  • Take Breaks: Take regular breaks from caregiving responsibilities. Even short breaks can make a big difference in your energy levels and mood. Use this time to do something you enjoy or simply relax and recharge.

  • Engage in Hobbies: Make time for hobbies and activities that bring you joy. Engaging in hobbies can provide a sense of purpose and fulfillment, which can help buffer the stress of caregiving. Don’t let your own interests fall by the wayside.

Recognize Your Limits:

  • It's Okay to Ask for Help: Recognize that you can’t do everything yourself. It’s okay to ask for help from other family members, friends, or professionals. Delegating responsibilities can help you avoid burnout and ensure that the person you’re supporting receives the best possible care.

  • Don't Blame Yourself: Remember that you are not responsible for the person’s actions. Suicide is a complex issue with many contributing factors, and you can't control someone else's decisions. Don't blame yourself for what happened or feel like you should have done something differently. Focus on providing support in the present and future.

By prioritizing your own well-being, you'll be better equipped to support someone through a suicide attempt. Remember, taking care of yourself is not selfish; it’s an essential part of the caregiving process.

Conclusion

Supporting someone after a suicide attempt is a challenging but incredibly important role. By understanding the situation, knowing what to say and what not to say, taking practical steps to help, and prioritizing your own self-care, you can make a significant difference in their recovery journey. Remember, your support, empathy, and patience can provide hope and encouragement during a difficult time. You are not alone in this, and with the right resources and support, healing is possible.

If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, please reach out for help. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available 24/7 by calling or texting 988 in the US and Canada, and by calling 111 in the UK. The Crisis Text Line can be reached by texting HOME to 741741. These resources are free, confidential, and can provide immediate support.